The Source of All My Joy

Twelve weeks of student teaching ended on a high note. By the last day, I loved every bit of it. The kids were awesome, I really liked Mr. Powell (He turned out to be quite personal and encouraging) and I enjoyed seeing the students fall in love with music the way I had when I was their age. It was a lot of work though, and the whole time I was looking forward to the two weeks of glorious nothing between the end of my student teaching and graduation. Despite the continual conviction that circumstances do not bring happiness, I was waiting for those two weeks to make me happy. Good circumstances are like precious stones. They are pretty to look at, but you can’t squeeze one drop of joy out of them no matter how hard you try. Only God gives living water. Ha! There are a million cute ways to say it, but what matters is that I live it. God took my ‘two weeks of easy living” and exchanged it for ‘the hardest two weeks of my life’ when I got the substitute job at Hughes Academy. Eventually, those two weeks turned into six weeks, and those precious stones became kidney stones.  It was all I could do to keep my sanity as I tried to maintain a structured classroom environment. I was miserable. One day I walked into school and got yelled at by the secretary because I didn’t know my stupid employee ID number, the keys to my room wouldn’t work, and I wasn’t allowed to use the copy machine because apparently I would kill off one too many acres of rainforest. I sat alone in the dark at my desk. I had ten minutes before the little spawns of hell were released into my classroom. “Why God?” I cried. “Why am I here? I’m not good at this, the kids hate me, the administration doesn’t want me here…why can’t I just leave? I took my Bible out of my bag and plopped it open to a random passage. I read Psalm 43-

Declare me Innocent, Oh God!

Defend me against these ungodly people!

Rescue me from these unjust liars!

For YOU, oh God, are my only safe haven.

Why have you tossed me aside?

Why must I wonder around in grief,

Oppressed by my enemies?

Send out you light and your truth,

Let them guide me,

Let them lead me to your holy mountain,

To the place where you live,

There I will go to God,

To GOD – the source of all my joy!

I will praise you with my harp,

Oh God, my God!

Why am I so discouraged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I will put my hope in GOD!

I will praise him again –

My Savior and my God!

I cried. God had me here. He had not forgotten me. He was the source of my joy… how is it that I have such trouble remembering this? I prayed for each kid on my roster and surrendered the circumstances to God. “No matter what, Lord” I said, “I am here at your command, and I want to be a vessel of love to these kids”. That same day I took Ashley (the worst of ‘em) out of the classroom after she refused to sit down and stop yelling. After punishing someone a million times I wonder if it is even worth doing it again. Instead I just said “You know I prayed for you today? I really did.” She crossed her arms and said “Well that’s good cause I pray for me too”. And that was that. After class she came and apologized for being rude, and from that day forward she was THE BEST behaved student in the class. For real? I thought. Random Bible passages and miracle behavioral mutations are not typical, but it happened to me in this case. There is a significant difference between the days I just get up and go and the days I actually prepare spiritually for what will take place. One day I got to school early to pray for each of my students by name and read scripture allowed in the classroom. Don’t think that I am on some religious hyperbole when I say that that was the best day of substitute teaching I ever had. By the end of the six weeks I genuinely loved it. It was hard –my voice was constantly hoarse and I was always re-stocking my referral slips – but I saw things from a different angle. My joy no longer came from how good the kids were or how nice the other teachers seemed – It was in the fact that God had me under His control and that He was being glorified through my circumstances. “You know, you’re not like most substitute teachers” a girl told me one day, “You’re actually nice”. That made my week.

We'll Get Ice Cream Along the Way

While cleaning out my closet I found this poem among some old papers. I don't know how old I was when I wrote it, but it was somewhere close to my Shel Silverstein obsession days. 5th grade?

Said Madam Lee to Madam Rhea,

“Is not it a very beautiful day?

To sit and watch our children play?”

“Oh yes it is!” said Madam Rhea.

Said Madam Rhea to Madam Lee,

“I love to watch the children’s glee,

While picking pears from yonder tree”

“So do I”, said Madam Lee.

Said Madam Lee to Madam Rhea,

“But heavens! Do I regret to say,

That being with them every day,

Can weary and tire my head away!”

Said Madam Rhea to Madam Lee,

“You know, I think I may agree,

They argue so repulsively,

And rarely ever comply with me!

They scream and whine and cry and bray,

When I say “Sit!” They gallop away,

It gets worse and worse every day!

Oh what shall we do?” cried Madam Rhea

“I have an idea!” Said Madam Lee,

“We’ll pack our bags, and then we’ll flee,

I’ll leave all the work for my husband to see,

I’m sure they won’t miss a mom like me.”

“That’s right, It’s true!” Said Madam Rhea,

“We’ll find a distant island or cay,

Relax on the beach in the sun all day,

They’ll never notice we’re away!”

Said Madam Lee to Madam Rhea,

“But what if they discover where we stay?

What do you think the children will say?

And what would they have to eat each day?”

Said Madam Rhea to Madam Lee,

“How would they fare without having me?

Methinks I shall stay with my family.”

“Then I shall too”, said Madam Lee

“But let us not let our hearts dismay,

It is still fun to watch children play,

I will take them home for the day,

And we’ll get ice cream on the way,

“Then I shall too” said Madam Rhea.

Membre and the Elephant

In 1986, Mike Membre was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Membre approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Membre worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.   The elephant turned to face the man and, with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Membre stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Membre never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Membre was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Membre and his son Cantri were standing.  The large bull elephant stared at Membre, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Membre couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Membre summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Membre' s legs, raised him high into the air and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. It probably wasn't the same elephant.

The End

For My Sanity's Sake

real life